I Hit the "Fresh Start" Button

I spent nearly two weeks (not in it's entirety) deleting every single blog I've written over the past 8 or so years.  I thought I'd pick through them  and save the ones with meaning.  But then I read and re-read most of them and at the end of the day... it's time for a fresh start.  I deleted them all! 

Here's what I learned about myself:

• I was emotionally bipolar.  One minute I was happy... the next minute sad.  One day was a good day... the next day bad.
• I like to think I'm smart, but in actuality, was kind of a smart-ass jerk.  I never realized how harsh I criticized and bullied people with my words.
• I acted like a know-it-all (ties in to me thinking I'm smart).
• I judged a lot of people.  Not on purpose or out of malice.  But still; judgment on another is never acceptable.
• I didn't like most of my friends because they were the ones I mostly spoke of in posts.
• I was a coward because I chose to write in passive-aggressive form and "code" rather than confront the real issue, problem or person.
• I was genuinely unhappy with myself for a very long time.
• I was never certain of my future.  I never really cared.
• I used to seek validation from others, never fully understanding that the only validation I needed was my own and GOD'S!

But things change.  People change.  I'VE changed!  I'm happy now!  Blessed!  Content!

I astound myself daily on the progress I've made growing from a 20something twerp (yes I said twerp) into a 30something woman.  I learn something new about myself, about others, about the world... every day.  I like to think I've changed for the absolute best.

Today... I can count on 10 fingers the number of people I truly feel complete with in my life.  Those that have stuck by me through all my attitude issues and life's problems.  The unfortunate thing about my life is that I would need several hands and feet to count the number of people that are no longer a part of me.  Those that didn't make the cut as I was growing up and moving on.

Its sad... life.  Thinking about my past.  Choices I've made.  People I've lost.  Unfortunate lessons I've learned.  But at the end of the day... what is truly meant to be will be.

I promise to find more time in my life to write again.  I'm going to write about being happy!  I'm a happy person!  HAPPINESS is key to living a fulfilling life with love, friends, family and more!  I'm thirty three and thriving.  The best part of my days are learning to accept each new lesson in favor of growth, rather than determent.